Sunday, July 13, 2014

{The Healing Has Begun}

Oftentimes, life can turn out so differently from what we anticipate.  We begin on one path, sure of our direction, only to look back awhile later in awe over the curvy path that has been created. And thus, this is where I now stand, in the crux of circumstances and events, reflecting over my journey thus far.

When I began this blog, I desired to record my health journey, and sought to bring healing to others through my adventures. I began with a problem, a desire, and passion to fix the circumstances that I had been given. As I was met with each dietary struggle, I sought to conquer it through my creativity, which I enjoyed sharing with the world.  I enjoyed each moment of creating, imagining, and sharing with others what I learned in the kitchen. As with anything I do, I fully immersed myself in this task, convinced that I would do it with one hundred and ten percent effort.

Now, I recognize that desire soon consumed my life.  My struggle against my dietary limitations became obsessive and seeped into every part of my life. It coated my conversations, became a coping mechanism, allowed me to help others through my experiences, and made time slip away. 

I sought to bring healing to others, but in the midst of it, I lost my own health. I sought to advise people on healthy living, but neglected to listen to the truth I proclaimed. I became so consumed with searching for a way to manage my diet, that in the midst of it, that I let my dietary restrictions have power over, and take away my life.

 I realize now that I need to bring healing to myself, and part of that healing is to resign from my self-made position as a health coach through this blog. It has been fun sharing with the world my creations. It has been a blessing to be able to write about something I loved. There were moments of joy, as something I experimented with, after numerous failures, became a success. I learned many important life lessons in the kitchen, such as patience, accuracy, creativity, and the freedom to imagine.

But now I need to let go of the past, for the obsession that my search for "health" became is unhealthy. If I am to succeed in the goal I sought to obtain when I began this blog, of encouraging a healthy lifestyle, and if I am truly going to be the example that I claimed to be,  I need to say goodbye. I'm learning the art of moderation, of letting go, and what true healthy looks like. I am exposing the lies, and seeking true health in every aspect of life. 

So, goodbye. Goodbye to days spent agonizing over ingredients. Goodbye to the piles of reciepe ideas. Goodbye to the moments spent imagining new ideas. Goodbye to the stress of a severely restricted diet. Goodbye to the role of diet adviser, counselor, and helper.  Goodbye to obsessive habits, and any strings that I could seek to cling to.  As much as it pains me, I'm saying goodbye to these memories, and hello to the life ahead.

Hello to the healing that has begun in my body and in my mind. Hello to freedom, hello to a life beyond food. Hello to simple moments of joy that have been missed. Hello to true health, found in a lifestyle of balance and moderation. Hello, Life.


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